The Salt Cure, Meno-pausing

A few weeks ago, I discovered a wonderful new blog called The Salt Cure. Written by a couple of friends, Caroline and Pav who have set out to empower their world through doing and sharing all the things that make them feel great from walking and hiking to wild swims and crafting.

Needless to say, I love this idea, as they so rightly say… ‘there’s always time for a new adventure’

I will pop a link to their fab blog at the bottom of this post.

In their most recent post, published yesterday, I was very honoured to be asked to be a guest blogger to talk about my experiences with menopause.

So here it is….. beginning with Caroline’s story, followed by mine! …Enjoy !

CAROLINE:

I had absolutely no idea about a title for this blog so in desperation I googled ‘menopause puns’ to find nothing but disappointing jokes, then I thought of a superbly witty opening to start the blog, which I promptly forgot… sigh!

Let’s be clear, I would say I’m at an early stage of this change in my body and it’s very much a voyage of discovery. I’m hoping by making changes in my life early on it will set me up well for what’s to come, but I really have no idea what I’m doing or if the alterations I make will make any difference at all.

I’ve definitely had some sporadic symptoms of peri menopause - night sweats, hot flushes, intermittent and inconvenient periods, a definite change in my stress levels that are harder to control, lashing out, anxiety, palpitations, dryness, a weird tongue… the list goes on. They all still appear to be on some sort of cycle which may be down to my contraceptive pill, but that’s just a guess to be honest, I don’t really know. The night sweats however appear to now be here to stay, let’s just say I’m adjusting.

I began to get these symptoms in my late 30’s and they only escalated as I hit 40, the pandemic began and my father became ill. I’ve spoken to a doctor at various stages only to hit a wall of being told I’m too young! I’ve never truly believed this as there’s lots of evidence out there of women starting peri menopause in their late 30s. One helpful piece of advice I did receive from a doctor was to use the Balance App to log my symptoms each day - apparently this is a good way for them to gauge whether you are entering that time of your life or not. I’m still at a total loss to know why an app trumps you telling them, but I’ve dutifully been logging things for about a year now.

The main thing is I’ve discovered that if you start the conversation with a woman who has more than likely been through it, they’re always happy to empathise and offer some advice. I’ve been emailed a recipe for a menopause cake by a lady who visited my shop, I’ve had lovely responses to my initial Biography blog where I mentioned dealing with it and talking with my Mum and close friends has always provided a solidarity with some of the more bizarre and completely surprising symptoms you really didn’t realise were going to happen.

I remember the day in middle school when I was about 10 when all the boys were taken off somewhere and the girls were sat down in front of what was deemed to be an accessible medical video for kids in 1989. All I remember is we all got super excited by the ‘gift bag’ at the end! And the boys reappeared from wherever they’d been.. I always assumed they’d gone to kick a ball around a field for an hour but I’m intrigued now I think about it, did they get the boy version of what girls have to go through!? Now as a woman in my 40s I really wish I could be taken back into that classroom and given the video and free gift bag for what happens at the other end of your periods.

Pav and I have had various conversations on our walks about how menopause is viewed in different cultures, she’s written an article on that very subject so it’s fantastic to discuss the many ways this time in your life is regarded around the world. I’ve begun the task of listening to audiobooks and podcasts, I have a stack of books I have yet to read that include recipes and fitness suggestions, the knowledge out there seems to be almost overwhelming to me, as someone who’s not a big reader, so I’m starting slowly with bite size chunks.

One overall theme that runs through a lot of what I’m discovering at the moment is to ‘find your inner bliss’ whenever and wherever you can. For me this can be anything from 5 minutes of embroidery with my early morning tea to a walk on the coast. Prioritising these things can be difficult when you have a busy life and run your own business. I know you’ll probably all agree with that. I definitely struggle to just sit back and drink a cuppa without multitasking, I love juggling multiple things at once, I feel chuffed with myself and super pleased when I’ve got lots done, but, the one thing the CBT therapy taught me was that I shouldn’t feel guilty for slowing down or stopping to breathe.

The Salt Cure has provided the perfect natural medicine to manage the anxiety I had developed over the past year, but also something I feel I can really call upon in the future to help me deal with the physical changes in my body that I sometimes won’t understand and may be fearful of. In the past, walking was an opportunity to think things through that I was struggling with. I’d churn them over and try and find a solution as my steps pounded along the paths. Now, it’s different. Walking is the time to empty my mind, listen to the sounds around me and just relax. Throwing a cold swim into that mix makes me confident I’m on the right track, at least with my physical health and a little bit of my mental health

I’d love to approach menopause as naturally and hollistically as I can, with fitness, meditation activities, therapies and adjusting my foods, some of which I’ve started already but I’m also aware that in the future there may well be a need for something additional to help me along, be it HRT or some variation and I’m open to this.

As part of our mission Pav and I are inviting guests to join our journey and tell their stories both via the blog and in the future we hope on some of our walks as well. We had a fantastic blog from Charlotte Nails It and to continue with the theme of women who run successful independent creative businesses, I’d like to introduce you to Jesse Dickson of Wolf and I, I’m a huge fan of Jesse’s remarkable and beautiful jewellery designs, and was extremely touched to receive a really lovely and supportive email from her in response to my first blog as well as a recommendation for a great book to help me along, Jesse over to you….

JESSE:

Hi Caroline, thanks so much for asking me to join you as a guest on your blog!

I am in my late 40’s and at the other end of the menopause years to you Caroline. I’m fast approaching the ‘post menopause’ milestone apparently.. a proper ‘crone’ graduate!

Like you, I have been surprised and dismayed at the lack of help and open, honest information available about the menopause years. I also remember the helpful assembly at school for your periods though I’m not sure what they would include in your little gift bag for this end of our cycle… a bottle of wine, a holiday and an ice pack maybe? That would be awesome.

It seems the subject of menopause still has a stigma to it, which appears to have resulted in so many of the previous generations of women claiming to ‘not remember’ their menopause or say “I didn’t really have any symptoms”. I have heard this same story from many of my friends who turned to their mothers for advice.

Once when I was teaching a hot flush hit me whilst I was explaining a technique to a young female student, I was met with “oh you’re one of those are you?” . I was taken aback to say the least but later realised it was just another example of how menopause has been stigmatised and misunderstood ( and yes! I did suppress a wry inner smile at the thought that one day she will also ‘be one of those’!).

I began peri menopause much earlier than most of my peers.  I was 36 when I lost my dear old Pops. We were extremely close and the experience was traumatic. I turned inward and quietly dealt with it whilst trying to run our busy jewellery school, exhibiting at major London jewellery shows, keeping up with jewellery orders and commissions and hosting weekend courses and weekly classes.  I managed to hide it so well that most people, even regular customers, had no idea I had lost my Dad let alone that I was struggling to navigate my way out of the dark place I found myself in. I truly believe the shock and trauma of this event triggered peri menopause and I found myself experiencing many uncomfortable changes in my body from irregular periods, to painful cycles, sleeplessness, mood swings and depression… all things that could equally be written off as grief.

So I battled on.

Periodically my lovely husband would persuade me to visit the GP again … and, like Caroline, I was also met with an unhelpful range of advice from “you’re too young” to “have some antidepressants or sleeping tablets” to “we’ll pop you back on the contraceptive pill”  (I had been taken off the contraceptive pill years previously due to developing blood clots). So needless to say, I came away from each appointment frustrated and angry.

So I battled on.

I began writing a journal so that I could map my symptoms and spot patterns and cycles which really helped put my mind at rest when I was experiencing worrying or unusual period cramps or migraines or joint pain etc.

As I mentioned, I have not been on the contraceptive pill for many years which I believe has given me the opportunity to experience my menopause in a very natural way without the confusion of additional hormones. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not necessarily saying this is a good thing.. I think the pill can be extremely helpful, but for me the journey has been uncluttered with medication which I feel has provided me with a certain clarity.

Where possible, I have tried to navigate my way through these changes using a combination of natural remedies, diet and lifestyle changes. I use aromatherapy blends to calm the insane anxiety spikes, or to help relieve headaches, or clear brain fog. I changed my diet from vegetarian to completely plant based, cutting out all dairy and saw a phenomenal positive change almost instantly in my mental capacity and energy levels.I also do yoga almost every day, even for just 15 minutes. As well as stretching out muscles it helps me remember to breathe, and to reconnect and check in with my body. I walk, I cycle, I kayak and climb when I can. Exercise is a life changer, it helps with pain, with brain fog, with feeling blue and best of all, with sleep… much better than sleeping pills!

The biggest change I have made is an acceptance of the stage of life I find myself in, an acceptance of the knowledge that it’s okay to slow down a bit, breathe and take time for myself.

I don’t have children, so maybe it’s easier for me to make this change but I do still run a full time business which takes a huge amount of energy, and hard work. In recent years I have learnt to notice when I need some space and quiet and to not fight so hard to ignore my body and what it’s telling me. So what if some mornings I don’t start work until 10am? So what if some evenings I need to quit work at 4.30pm to go for a walk in the woods or pick up a paintbrush, plug my earbuds in and disappear into a painting and an audiobook?

I have even learnt to surrender to the sleepless nights where sharp anxiety spikes and palpitations meant that I would lie awake all night, keeping still, trying not to wake A. Now I grab my jammies and head downstairs, make a cuppa and draw or paint or read or write blogs! Yes, I’m writing this at 4am!

This acceptance has been the biggest shift in me and I honestly believe it has been the single most helpful thing I have worked out for myself. Releasing the frustration and worry of not sleeping, knowing I’ll be fine, I’ve survived many sleepless nights and I can have a slower day.

I even think this has also been fundamental in working with mood changes.  My husband and I work together full time, we are together seven days a week, running our business, making decisions and tackling the daily issues that arise in work and life generally. So, mood swings can be tricky and unwelcome! I am incredibly fortunate that I can talk to Al openly about the menopause and he has been so helpful, often researching therapies or finding books or websites for me to read. Once we understood what was happening, we were both able to relax into the experience and he gives me space to chill or walk away if things feel too intense. As a result, I can honestly say I am generally more relaxed and my moods are pretty constantly chilled .. maybe more than they ever have been menopause or not!

So in hindsight, it would have been super helpful for me if someone had been available to talk to me honestly and openly. To tell me that, yes, it’s possible or even likely that you are starting your menopause journey and this is what you might experience. Failing that, I would recommend reading as much as you can. Knowledge can be so helpful and calming, but, be careful what you choose to read, some of the books I read were utterly terrifying and listed every single symptom anyone has ever had in the history of menopause so that you come away feeling like your life is over… when it really isn’t.

My favourite book talks about each aspect of menopause gently, with honour, treating this stage of life as a rite of passage. A privilege to experience. It gave me a reference to compare my experience to and a comfort in the knowledge that women have been going through the menopause since humans walked the earth. Like puberty or motherhood it is simply a natural cycle, uncomfortable at times, painful and tiring but ultimately a natural transition where you get to emerge a new person in a beautiful stage of life.

I am a fighter, and because of the initial lack of definitive diagnosis and therefore confusion, I have fought this change for so many years.. and consequently made my life so much more challenging than it needed to be. Once I learned to lean into it, to give myself space and time to look after myself everything became easier.

Having said all of this, everyone has to find their own way. Some swear by HRT, others by natural versions of the same. For me so far, lifestyle, dietary changes and support from my Al have been my strength … oh and the menopause cake!

You can read more from The Salt Cure blog here:

www.thesaltcure.wixsite.com or follow them on instagram at @the.saltcure