Be more selfish…

3.30am.

Again.

My heart is beating fast, my mind is twisting and spiralling at a pace only matched by the restless tossing and turning of my body as I try and try again to sleep.

Another program about our beautiful natural world with the inevitable warnings and predictions.. 

Another news headline overheard on a car radio..

Another conversation with a likeminded soul about the state of the world, governments and people…

Helpless in the tsunami of fear, anger  and uncertainty.

What can I do? 

What can I do? 

If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll know I’m a huge advocate of self care. Peace, love and breath.

As I sit here (now 4.15am) and sip my too hot camomile tea and listen to the peaceful snoring of Al and the cats surrounding me…

I feel overwhelmingly grateful.

I feel so grateful that I have the choice to talk about and practice self care. 

That I can choose to be kind to myself and spend moments in calming yoga poses or breathing the woodland air deeply while I clasp a warm spiced cacao.

That my life is peaceful enough that I can even sit here and write this today.

While so many people in the world right now are simply surviving.

What can I do? 

I can lie awake at 3am with a full blown anxiety attack, wake up feeling exhausted and stressed and still not be any closer to solving any of these monumental issues?

I can moan and cry and discuss the relentless awful news stories or government decisions with people who have a similar opinion to me… and wind up feeling more frustrated and angry at the apparent ignorance and lack of care ….lack of love.

Or I can choose to live my life in the best way possible. 

I can be mindful of my impact, my choices and my footprint … my tiny, insignificant bubble. 

I can be kind, not just to myself but to others.

Sometimes I worry that the self care message that we are bombarded with over and over again in the media is creating a society in which we are perhaps so conscious of our own personal needs and kindness towards ourselves that this incredible message is becoming warped.

Rather than the soft gentle concept of looking after yourself, slowing down and allowing yourself to create a healthy mind and lifestyle and therefore live your best life for yourself and those around you..

it sometimes feels as if the message has been pushed to a selfish ‘me first’ extreme.

That perhaps the notion that you should ‘always put yourself first’ or ‘your needs are as important as everyone else’s’ or that you ‘deserve more’ are damaging our sense of self within community. 

Just another way in which individuals are isolating themselves further from others.

Are we becoming selfish little island’s obsessed with self care? 

I am such a strong advocate of paying it forward.. of the incredible power of kindness and it’s natural propensity to spread. 

An antidote… or beautiful addition to the notion of self care? 

What if self care also incorporates kindness? 

Imagine.

Imagine how that could spread? 

Not only are you kind to yourself, rest, take time for you etc etc …. Clearly immensely important.. absolutely! 

( we all understand the concept of a mother taking the first oxygen mask on a distressed airplane so that she is alive to save her child )

But what if along with the self care we practiced more kindness too?

I was listening to a fascinating podcast a while ago where Dr David Hamilton was talking about how the opposite of stress is kindness. 

His research has shown that when asked what we believe is the opposite of stress, most people will say something like ‘peace’ or ‘calm’ but he argues that these are in fact the absence of stress. 

The OPPOSITE of stress in kindness.

Dr Hamilton goes on to explain that stress is an emotion that releases certain stress hormones into the system like adrenaline and cortisol.

Simply put, feeling stress produces stress hormones.

In a similar way, feeling kindness.. the warm fuzzy feeling of doing something nice, or someone doing something nice for you releases ‘kindness’ hormones, like  oxytocin which make us feel good… the ‘warm hug hormone’ and in turn bring huge health benefits compared to the stress hormones.

Stress and kindness can’t coexist… it’s impossible, it’s either one, or the other.

So where the stress hormones can wreak havoc on your body, blood pressure, heart health, immune system .. 

the kindness hormones do the exact opposite.

So where am I heading with this? 

KINDNESS IS AN ACT OF SELF CARE TOO!!

If the message of self care included this incredible piece of information … just imagine how the world could change? 

Being kind could become a selfish act ! 

And who ever had the thought that someone was such a selfish a$%*! because they’re just kind all of the time ? Ha ha … right?

Being kind… spreading kindness and experiencing kindness is good for you. It is healthy, it’s reduces your fight or flight impulses and I believe it is one of the single best, and nicest ways to take care of yourself.

So let’s all be selfish, let’s practice self care AND be kind and watch its effect take hold even if it’s in our own tiny patch of the world.

It’ll spread … right? 

I can’t save the world single handedly… it’s not possible. 

The anxieties of the news and climate and dodgy governments will still be there, but I am fortunate enough in my life that I CAN implement small changes, with a huge level of gratitude.

I can be kind.

I can choose to take care of myself by taking care towards others…

being kind